here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
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