I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
