If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Randomize
