I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
