She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
