No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Randomize
