I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
