this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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