Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize