This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
