Apparently you make a good broom.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
