I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
