I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
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