and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
