Got a toothbrush?
then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Randomize
