I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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