This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
