thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
