CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
just found out that she named her cat after me.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
