Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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