Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
