is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
