Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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