toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Randomize
