Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
