So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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