apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
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