I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
