Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
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