i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
