Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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