I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
