Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
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