i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
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