Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
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