I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
