He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
