UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
