Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
