everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
