I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
