honey bunches of taint.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
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