took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Randomize