Just cropdusted the office
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
