You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
