there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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