Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
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