Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
