hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
