I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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