Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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