the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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