you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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