I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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