One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
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