Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Randomize
