cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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