He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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