dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Randomize
