the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
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