i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
