Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize