i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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