is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
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