The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
