I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
meet me or not, i'm out of control
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Randomize
