I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
