I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
vagina is talking i cant
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Randomize