have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize
