yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize