help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
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