she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Randomize
