I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
