butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I think I just shit out all my problems.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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