Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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